Tuesday, February 08, 2005

George W. Bush may be cutting money for 150 programs, yet, he somehow managed to squeeze $1.4 million out of his budget to infuse more right wing faith and family into our holidays. Call it a miracle!

In April, the administration will launch the "Holiday Renaming Project". I obtained a secret memo detailing the new holiday names proposed by Bush. All exclusive quotes in parenthesis are from the President:

OLD: Christmas
NEW: Christmore

OLD: Father's Day
NEW: Higher Father's Day ("Heck, I don't even consult with dad on war with Iraq")

OLD: Mardi Gras
NEW: Moral Gras

OLD: Rosh Hashanah
NEW: Rush is on-a

OLD: Fourth of July
NEW: Four Jews Lied (Mel Gibson said so.)

OLD: Halloween
NEW: Holyween

OLD: Flag Day
NEW: Patriotic Banner Day ("Flag", is just too close to "fag" and sends the wrong message to kids)

OLD: Martin Luther King Day
NEW: Martin Luther Day (Monarchs have no place in a free country)

OLD: Ramadan
NEW: Rapturedan

OLD: National Boss Day
NEW: Dick Cheney Day

OLD: All Saints Day
NEW: Every Day!

OLD: Valentines Day
NEW: Love Is For One Man/One Woman Day

OLD: Thanksgiving
NEW: Katherine Harris Day

OLD: Good Friday
NEW: God Friday (And God Mon., Tue. Wed. and Thurs., too!)

OLD: Presidents Day
NEW: See Dick Cheney Day

P.S. If you haven't figured out this is a satire, you probably voted for Bush. I'd also love to see what other people come up with for holiday names.

3 Comments:

This is the funniest damn thing I've seen in ages! Brilliant!!! Bravo!! :)
posted by  Anonymous, at 2/08/2005 10:00 PM  

Hahahahaah!!!! Bush such a jerk.

Paula N.
posted by  Anonymous, at 2/08/2005 10:02 PM  

Honour to be here!
Truly a nice work! Greatest post I have ever seen! Thank you for sharing it! Have a good day!
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