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Wayne Besen
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On the website of The Atlantic, Sullivan wrote about the importance of marriage. I agree with him and I think everyone should consider reading his essay.
It happened first when we told our families and friends of our intentions. Suddenly, they had a vocabulary to describe and understand our relationship. I was no longer my partner's "friend" or "boyfriend"; I was his fiance. Suddenly, everyone involved themselves in our love. They asked how I had proposed; they inquired when the wedding would be; my straight friends made jokes about marriage that simply included me as one of them. At that first post-engagement Christmas with my in-laws, I felt something shift. They had always been welcoming and supportive. But now I was family. I felt an end--a sudden, fateful end--to an emotional displacement I had experienced since childhood.
I'm one of those people who liked Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John Edwards. I originally supported Edwards because he seemed to understand the struggles of the middle class. Now, we know he was in the middle of a crass affair and struggling to hush it up.
After Edwards dropped out, I vacillated between Clinton and Obama - eventually settling for Obama after Clinton had delusions about dodging imagined bullets in Bosnia. Still, I respected her and thought she would make a good president.
She lost...
But, she and Bill won't step away from the stage. They are now working to hijack the Democrats Convention in Denver. All I can say is - it is time for the Clinton's to gingerly step off the stage, shun the spotlight and move on with their lives. This is Obama's moment and they need to do everything they can to get him elected. If the Clinton's bungle this and get in the way - there are many of us who are inclined to support her in the future , who will never consider her again.
The Clinton's say that their voices and that of their supporters must be heard. But, we've heard more than enough from this political family and they really just need to put a sock in it from now until November. Unfortunately, their egos may be bigger than their allegiance to the Democratic Party.
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The 2008 presidential race just got its first gay sex scandal with the news that Jonathan Crutchley, co-founder of Cambridge-based Manhunt.net, made a $2300 contribution to John McCain's presidential campaign last March.
Huffington Post allegedly reported on the donation last week - Bay Windows was unable to find the original story - but news of the donation picked up a head of steam after the gay blog Towleroad seized on the story Aug. 13. Within hours news of the donation to McCain by the owner of one of the world's largest gay hook-up websites spread like wildfire across the gay blogosphere, and readers of blogs like Towleroad and Queerty began filling the comments sections with calls for gay men to cancel their Manhunt accounts. Neither the McCain campaign nor Manhunt responded to a request for comment before Bay Windows went to press.
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John McCain is correct in articulating the growing threat from Putin's Russia and criticizing the belligerent nation for its autocratic ways and attacks on Georgia. However, he is in denial about what Americans can actually do about the disconcerting situation.
Thanks to his war in Iraq, the U.S. military has been stretched thin and no longer has the capabilities to pose a credible check to growing Russian (or Chinese) might. McCain and Bush's war games in Baghdad have left this nation weaker and have emboldened dictators, such as Putin. McCain can threaten Russia all he wants, but this is dangerous when America has few options.
The fact is, we cannot defend Georgia even if wanted to, despite its strategic importance. McCain's military adventurism in Iraq has serious consequences and has tied American hands in the face of tyranny. Thanks to the squandering of our resources, we are more bark than bite. Untangling our forces from Iraq is the first step in restoring our military readiness and would add muscle to our foreign policy.
If McCain wonders why Russia is not listening - he only has himself to blame for supporting policies that overextended our armed forces. McCain is now reduced to a ridiculous blowhard who is strutting and making empty threats that he can't back up. Such rhetoric will only inflame the situation, embolden Russia and make America appear to be a paper tiger.
On foreign policy, it is time McCain starts using his brain.
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Jared Polis of Colorado will likely become the first openly gay man to be elected to the U.S. Congress as a non-incumbent, according to the Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund. (Tammy Baldwin was the first out candidate to do this back in 1998.) This milestone is an important one for our community. It sends an unmistakable signal that voters are willing to consider gay people as leaders at the highest level of government, and brings us closer to the American ideal of a truly representative government.
This tremendous victory is the culmination of Jaredâ€'s deep commitment to the people of Colorado, and of the hard work and discipline of his entire campaign team. The Victory Fund congratulates Jared and honors his achievement on this important night in the fight for LGBT equality.
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Photo illustration by Rene Flores, Copyright 2007. Used with permission
Is ManHunt, the wildly popular online cruising site with the slogan "get on, get off," a blessing or a curse for gay men? This is the question Out Magazine writer Joseph Gross posed in one of the most provocative articles of the year.
The Out commentary points to the benefits of the site, but posits that it also has, "a tendency to isolate us, encourage objectification, and diminish our sense of life's nonsexual possibilities."
"For a long time it has been considered normal to be on the net," Hollywood physician Gary Cohan said in the article. "We need to start thinking, that's not normal."
In his most powerful passage, Goss laments that cruising on ManHunt has come with a steep social cost. "I don't like to think about the number of books I could have read, languages I could have learned, and friends I could have stayed in better touch with if I had not wasted so much time cruising online these past 12 years."
Why are gay men spending so much time online? Why are the profiles so explicit? Do sites like ManHunt, as the author claims, "exaggerate our propensity to objectify each other?"
I don't necessarily think so and believe that gay online culture is a result of the law of supply and demand. There are simply too few potential partners suitable for relationships. To make up for this husband deficit, we are thrust into fierce competition -- which is reflected by the level of skin shown in many of our online ads.
Here is the hard truth -- if you are looking for a life partner the numbers are not in your favor. If you take the total number of gay men in your city, subtract the number you are not sexually compatible with, minus the ones who have deal breaking habits, minus the guys who you have nothing in common with, minus the pathological closet cases who play straight while playing around online, minus the ones who just plain annoy you -- the universe of potential mates is remarkably limited. This harsh reality is true for gay men in large cities and especially for rural gay men who can't find a hunk in Podunk.
What we are talking about is sexual Darwinism and it affects straight people too. Heterosexuals also trudge through the snow for a night of speed dating, have online profiles and spend lonely evenings in bars looking for Mr. or Ms. Right. Like us, when they have uninspiring one night stands they remind themselves that there are more fish in the sea. When they cast their nets, however, they do so in the ocean, while we are fishing in a pond. The exponentially higher number of potential mates, combined with the fact that straight people can flirt anywhere without fear of getting bashed, creates an entirely different dating experience.
ManHunt -- much like the earlier gay bar cruising scene -- reflects the understanding that we must show off what we've got because there are limited opportunities. We don't want someone we are interested in to never get to experience our great personality because someone distracted him with a naughty picture -- so we show a little more than we might like in order to compete in this cutthroat marketplace.
Until we learn to clone gay people or magically convert heterosexuals -- as the religious right imagines we can -- we will have a sexualized culture as we try to get the upper hand, so we won't have to settle for our hand.
Such hyper-competition can best be seen at large Pride celebrations, where normally staid gay men bare all because for a few hours the dating pool increases by several hundred thousand. This behavior mirrors the way many small town women act (think skimpy clothes and perfume wafting through the air) when a Navy ship docks, increasing their odds of finding a husband.
Goss concludes in Out Magazine that online hookups can be harmful because "decoupling sex from emotion is a fool's errand." But, I'm not sure that such decoupling is going on most of the time. Online meeting is a utilitarian audition where the actor usually doesn't get a callback. It isn't because he didn't read his lines well -- he just might not be right for the part. What sites like ManHunt do, is give busy gay professionals the opportunity to kiss enough frogs before they hopefully find a prince -- which is no guarantee.
As the article points out, this process can be tiresome, frustrating, even addictive, as gay men feel as if they are one click away from love. And, the truth is, they are - or it could be one million taps on the mouse to find a spouse. There is no sugar coating that in a small community of limited partners, if you want a man you have to hunt -- hence the success of ManHunt. All one can do is keep his head up and never forget that the next online fling might lead to a diamond ring.
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Todd Bentley, the evangelist who has led the Florida Outpouring revival here in Lakeland since April 2, has filed for separation from his wife and might not return to the revival, according to his former local spokesperson, Lynne Breidenbach. She said Bentley made the announcement to his staff this afternoon. Bentley and his wife, Shonnah, have two daughters and a son and are Canadian citizens. Under Canadian law, separation is a first step in divorce proceedings and takes nine months. Bentley and his wife have been in marriage counseling for several months, Breidenbach said. She called the situation "very sad" but insisted it "doesn't invalidate what Todd did" at the revival.
Breidenbach, who said her contract with Bentley's Fresh Fire ended today, said it is not clear whether Bentley will make further appearances at the revival. About two weeks ago, Bentley announced he would leave the revival on Aug. 23 in order to resume his traveling evangelistic work. The Fresh Fire Ministries Web site indicates that a September appearance by Bentley in England has been postponed. Stay tuned for further information.
(A Storm of Criticism After Pathetic Prayer Video)
Focus on the Family plucked a video from its Web site today that urged people to pray for "rain of biblical proportions" during Barack Obama's Aug. 28 appearance at Invesco Field at Mile High to accept the Democratic nomination for president. This, of course, would be about as effective as their attempts to have people "pray away the gay" at their "ex-gay" Love Won Out freak shows.
Stuart Shepard, director of digital media at Focus Action, the political arm of Focus on the Family, said the video he wrote and starred in was meant to be "mildly humorous." But complaints from about a dozen Focus members convinced the organization to pull the video, said Tom Minnery, Focus Action vice president of public policy.
"If people took it seriously, we regret it," Minnery said Monday.
Who is Focus on the Family kidding? They are a nasty group that portrays God as a right wing bully who is molded in James Dobson's dictatorial image. The only joke here, was that Focus on the Family is covering up their true colors by portraying their ugliness as a parody.
You can only feel bad for people who have such an authoritarian, hideous view of spirituality. I hope, even pray, that they get the help they need to escape this miserable mindset in which they are trapped.
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'We Will Stop Focus on the Family's Destructive Lies Wherever They Are Spread,' Says TWO
Truth Wins Out (TWO) announced today that its founder, Wayne Besen, would appear in Anchorage to oppose Focus on the Family's notorious "ex-gay" Love Won Out road show on Sept. 13. Besen is the author of "Anything But Straight: Unmasking the Scandals and Lies Behind the 'Ex-Gay' Myth." TWO shadows this anti-gay seminar across the nation to ensure that the public is armed with the facts and aware that Focus on the Family is deliberately disseminating misinformation about gay and lesbian people.
"We appear wherever Focus on the Family spreads lies and fear," said Wayne Besen, Executive Director of Truth Wins Out. "Love Won Out distorts gay life and conflates stereotypes with science, while selling false hope to vulnerable people. We are looking forward to working with Alaskan advocacy groups to counter Focus on the Family's false and destructive messages."
More details about Besen's trip will be forthcoming. The Love Won Out conference will take place on Sept. 13 at the Abbott Loop Community Church.
Please help TWO Fight Back in Alaska by making a tax-deductible contribution. To Donate todayCLICK HERE.
Or send a check to:
Truth Wins Out P.O. Box 25491 Brooklyn, NY 11202
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Melissa Fryrear, the clownish so-called ex-lesbian from Focus on the Family who cakes on make-up, pretends to have crushes on red headed men (although we've never had a report of an actual date) and admits that she is "not the sharpest knife in the drawer," has changed the term "ex-gay" to "post gay" in Focus on the Family's latest newsletter.
In the letter, she describes the process of becoming post-gay:
"Thus, for any feeling, thought, belief, identity, behavior or action that is not characteristic of and resembling of the Person of Jesus Christ, God's intention is to change it so that it is." (sounds like brainwashing)
Of course, Fryrear admits that her ministry has the potential to cause great damage, saying, "It is a process - often a very long, difficult and painful process."
Actually, it is a destructive dead end. The people who throw their money at charlatans like Fryrear do go through the painful process described, only to find that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. This exacerbates the pain and can lead to depression and self-destructive behavior.
I'm not sure why loneliness, pain and depression qualify as "post-gay."
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