Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Yesterday, President George W. Bush reluctantly gave a "pardon" to Marshmallow, the 35-pound national Thanksgiving turkey. Insiders say the former Texas governor wanted to give the bird a lethal injection, but after reviewing the latest poll numbers, Karl Rove wouldn't let him.

In a break from tradition, the bird will be going to Disneyland, where he will be grand marshal of the Thanksgiving Day parade. However, inside sources tell me that the bird is only going to California so he won't have to campaign with Bush.

"Do you think I want to be seen with Bush?" Marshmallow reportedly said. "Even Sen. Rick Santorum won't campaign with him. Bush went to Virginia to help Jerry Kilgore in the governor's race and Kilgore got the stuffing beat out of him. Screw that and no thanks, I'm going to California to chill wth Arnold. Wait, he's less popular than Bush. Is it too late to find an axe?"

2 Comments:

This "pardoning" is a tacky tradition anyway. I'm not a vegetarian, but it would be nice if, like Native Americans, we had more reverence and respect for the animal life we take in order to gavage our already obscenely obese culture.
Gary (NJ)
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