Wayne Besen - Author, Activist, Columnist, Public Speaker

Monday, December 19, 2005

(Weekly Column)

DISCLAIMER: I DISCUSS THE FINAL SCENE IN THE MOVIE AT THE END OF THIS COLUMN. IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE BEWARE!!

If it weren't for gay people and gay bashers would anyone know about Wyoming? Sure, it is a beautiful state with some fine folks. But Matthew Shepard, Mary Cheney and now the movie Brokeback Mountain are the only reasons it makes news.

One would think the state would be so ecstatic about the national attention generated by the gay cowboy movie, it would produce custom "Brokeback Mountain" vanity plates. But no, the movie has yet to find an exhibitor in the state. Aren't Wyoming's residents the slightest bit curious why the rest of the nation can suddenly find their state on the map?

Wyoming isn't alone in miscalculating America's readiness to embrace this cinematic masterpiece. I've been getting e-mails from people who are furious that they are being treated like children and denied the opportunity to share in the Brokeback experience.

"It would be sad that I would have to get on a plane and travel to larger, distant cities to see this wonderful movie that's long overdue," a man wrote me from South Carolina. "I wonder if it will be on sale when it comes out on DVD or will I have to special order it especially when there are more lewd and sexually graphic straight movies on display for all to see?"

Theatres that won't show this movie will ignorantly cite "community standards." This reminds me of efforts to close strip joints in small towns citing the same reason, yet conveniently overlooking that people who live in the community pack these places.

This is not to draw an equivalent between stripping and Brokeback, but to make the point that the complexion and complexity of communities is far different than often presented. Having traveled throughout America, I can say that the whole blue/red state conventional wisdom is misleading. In all corners of this nation you find substantial numbers of gay people and thoughtful, progressive straight people. So, to deny a substantial minority enriching cultural opportunities, such as Brokeback Mountain, does not reflect community standards, but rather tyranny of the slight majority.

Try as some might to suppress the movie, Brokeback Mountain is an unstoppable force. The acting is superb, the cinematography magnificent and the message piercingly honest. But most important, it was released in a diffuse media age where the real impact won't be felt until the movie goes from the big to little screen.

As the man who e-mailed me said, he will see Brokeback Mountain on DVD if the local yokels deny him the theatre experience. The movie will also be available on digital cable's multitudinous channels. And now, people will be able to literally watch the gay cowboys from the closet on their easily concealed video I-Pods.

While the Hollywood media machine's unveiling of Brokeback Mountain has been as dramatic as Wyoming's Grand Teton mountains, the long-term effect on American culture will have more in common with the rolling hills of the Great Plains.

Mainstream Americans will watch this movie in the coming years in the privacy of their own homes. Attitudes about gay people will be transformed and greater acceptance will follow. People will learn how destructive the closet is, not only on gays, but also on the people caught up in the sham families created to protect these closets. It will also help undermine the right wing's promotion of ex-gay ministries. The dramatization of shattered families in Brokeback Mountain exposes these groups for the divorce mills they truly are.

Indeed, "ex-gay" leader Stephen Bennett in USA Today talks about how his program is so feckless that merely seeing Brokeback Mountain caused one of these arranged marriages to nearly shatter.

"I just spoke with a married man on the telephone who is contemplating leaving his wife and children," said Bennett. "He says he's gay, and Brokeback Mountain has influenced his decision."

What has not been talked about is the profound affect the movie is having on the already out gay community. It has caused many people I know to reevaluate their lives and ponder the meaning of life, love and relationships. Watching the struggle of the two protagonists Jack Twist and Enis del Mar makes today's gay people stop and think, "I really have it easy. Given this freedom, have I lived true to myself and opened myself to the possibility of love?"

The main reason that Brokeback Mountain will be a crossover hit is because of its universal message. Its success comes down to the ending scene where Enis del Mar is alone in his bare-bones trailer overlooking the haunting prairie. He opens a closet and wistfully touches the hanging clothes of Jack Twist, who has been murdered.

It is a gut wrenching moment for the character, but also for moviegoers. They are forced to confront fears of loneliness and to ask themselves if they have lived life to the fullest and expressed their love to the people who matter most?

Gay or straight, the answer to this question is all too often, no. In essence, we all have our own secret Brokeback Mountains, and the movie subconsciously asks people to find their purpose and embrace their passion, because life is short and fragile. It is this searing, powerful message more than the fact the messengers are gay that will ultimately help people understand the struggles of gay people, and more importantly, themselves.

33 Comments:

Wayne, did this movie open 'nationwide' this passed weekend or is it next weekend? I live in central NJ and NOT ONE theater around here has it yet--I cant believe it! The theater in Princeton (The Montgomery) which has traditionally played all the best foreign and 'non-mainstream' movies doesnt even have it. At this point, if I want to see it, which I do, I have to drive down to Philadelphia. I'm sure there are plenty of people in this area who would go see it.
I feel like I live in Iran, where western music was just banned!
Gary (NJ)
posted by Anonymous, at 12/19/2005 3:57 PM

Wayne,

Are the fathers of the two characters Ennis and Jack portrayed in a positive light? How about their childhoods?

If not, that might add further credence TO the ex-gay movement in the eyes of many when seeing this movie...
posted by Anonymous, at 12/19/2005 4:02 PM

Did you really have to post the ending for those of us who haven't seen the movie yet or read the short story?
posted by Anonymous, at 12/19/2005 4:20 PM

"It is a gut wrenching moment for the character, but also for moviegoers. They are forced to confront fears of loneliness and to ask themselves if they have lived life to the fullest and expressed their love to the people who matter most?"

Wayne, both these men have relationships with women and in fact have children by them.

If this movie is indeed for "all of us", what of those heterosexual people who see this movie, married and with children, with spouses with whom they are less than 100% satisfied? Does that mean with this movie they're going to be encouraged to shatter the lives of their current spouses and children, as these men do, merely for the pursuit of the perfect partner who will "matter most" and with whom they will "live life to the fullest"?

I'm trying to see where that implied message would be helpful at all in the long run to the GLBT community to be identified with...quite frankly, it's very difficult to see how it would be.
posted by Anonymous, at 12/19/2005 4:35 PM

I finally saw BBM here in Houston. It is playing only on (1) screen in the 4th largest city in our Nation. It has been sold out every performance and you have to get to the theatre an hour early to get in the line to secure a decent seat in the theatre. (I drove past the theatre today during the lunch hour and a line was formed around the block waiting to get into the next screening)

The movie left me emotional raw. It brought emotions back to life for me that I thought had long been buried. To simplify the movie and say its a story of unrequited love does not do it justice. Its so much more than that. It goes to the heart of what we've been seeking since Stonewall - the ability to live openly and freely without fear of reprisal.

One final note from the Houston audience -- everyone laughed out loud when Jack suggested they could "move to Texas" ... ... just my two cents on BBM.

--
Paul in Houston
posted by Anonymous, at 12/19/2005 5:34 PM

Reply to the posting above Paul's. I think one of the message's of the movie that is 'good for the gay community' is that when people are persecuted and not allowed to be who they really are, it results in tragic and shattered lives, like the wives and families of the gay men who marry and have children to keep society and their parents happy. It doesnt work! I know a number of gay men who were married and had children knowing full well that they preferred men, and their wives and children as well as the men themselves ended up paying the price. I'm sure this is just as true for lesbians who married and had families, only to leave later for another woman because they just couldnt stand the sham and psychological AND physical stress from it.
posted by Anonymous, at 12/19/2005 5:46 PM

First off, the movie marketing strategy of first a ‘limited release’ and then a ‘wide release’ is more relative to Hollywood-politics than it is pandering to some prudish provincialism. This movie will get wide release. Just be patient. But, I’m a little annoyed at people who spoil the movie for others (like me) who haven’t seen it yet. I’ve just read the short-story.

At what point do you think a marriage is salvageable? Is it fair to stay in a loveless relationship for any number of feckless (new buzz word of the month) reasons. The whole point of A. Proulx’s short story was the tragic consequences of living a lie. It’s not fair. It’s not fair to any one in the relationship. The wife should not have to bear the consequences of having to live with a man who doesn’t love her. There’s nothing about pursuing a ‘perfect’ marriage here at all. That’s not the point. It could never be even quasi-perfect. There was no real love. If you think love in this sense can be materialized then I pity you. You don’t understand the concept of love and relationship.

Does Anonymous (@1:35) here think a man can switch his desire between a woman and a man on a whim? Well…it doesn’t work that way. Enis only pretended his feelings for a woman. Haven’t you heard social pressure and peer-group stigma can be so strong it blinds you? Denial of being gay was a paramount thread in the short story.

Why would people think keeping a gay man in a loveless relationship is good…is good for any part of the relationship!?
posted by Anonymous, at 12/19/2005 6:01 PM

Hi:

I posted the end of the movie because it had already been discussed in a number of leading publications.

But, if I screwed up the ending for anyone, I'm really sorry. Next time I'll put a disclaimer at the top.
posted by Wayne Besen, at 12/19/2005 6:32 PM

Cowboy,

I'm that "anonymous" you refer to.

At what point do you think a marriage is NOT salvageable, for either a heterosexual or a homosexual man?

Again, the divorce courts are and have been filled with families broken and shattered because another partner decided to find a Mr. or Ms. or Mrs. Right. And so many of those who choose to break up the families seem to do so just because THEY want to be happy, not caring how many other heart (usually their children's) they're going to break.

But, we're living in a time when the concept of "sacrifice" isn't one that's well-received. It never has been by most.
posted by Anonymous, at 12/19/2005 6:47 PM

A gay man staying with a wife he isn't attracted to and doesn't love is often not a sacrifice, but a slow-motion suicide. I doubt this conflict is healthy for children.

Look, sometimes divorce is the best alternative. The fact is, gay/straight marriages are ridiculous, absurd on their face and not meant to be. Attempts to keep them together are usually a miserable disater and doomed to failure.

The answer is for society to end homophobia and stop these cruel trainwrecks from occuring.
posted by Wayne Besen, at 12/19/2005 7:44 PM

Wayne, perhaps the best thing is to never enter into such marriages to begin with.

Then again, the now-famous Bishop V. Gene Robinson, when asked whether it would have been better if he'd never married or even had a relationship with the woman (he was once apparently attracted to) who gave birth to their two daughters, responded with something like:

"No, because then I'd never have had my two daughters, and that thought to me is unacceptable."

For some, it's a matter of "what do I, me, I want out of life, and do I care what the consequences are if I never get it (or if I do indeed get it)..."

Lots of American servicemen, who will never return home to their families (or even create a family of their own) must ask that same question.

Interestingly, when looking at something bigger than themselves (freedom for others, in the case of a serviceman - or an intact family and benefits to children that come with that, in the case of a person married to someone they don't love 100% the way Ennis loved Jack, and vice versa)...many keep choosing sacrifice, and have been doing so for a long, long time...

(BTW, am I saying there is never a cause for divorce? No, particularly if a spouse and/or their children are in danger of being killed via abuse of any kind.)
posted by Anonymous, at 12/19/2005 8:24 PM

Anonymous, I'm really confused about your message. Do you believe gay men should just stay celibate? Do you believe they should marry women and suffer through those marriages? I don't see what can be gained by such a "sacrifice" as you call it.

While we're at it, let's look up the meaning of the word "sacrifice":

Sacrifice-Forfeiture of something highly valued for the sake of one considered to have a greater value or claim.

From Dictionary.com

So what is the greater value or claim? What is gained by these fake marriages, but alot of pain?

You know what? I think you need to see Brokeback Mountain. I saw it last night. Believe me, it'll change the way you see this issue, and at the very least it will make you think.
posted by Anonymous, at 12/19/2005 11:35 PM

Both characters had bad relationships with their fathers.

I do think that this movie, as someone says above, does cater to ex-gay stereotypes at times. I'm not sure if we should be happy about this movie or not.
posted by Anonymous, at 12/20/2005 5:30 AM

I wish everyone would understand that this is NOT a gay film. None of the lead actors are gay. Neither is the director, the screenwriters, or the author of the short story it's based on. This is a movie by and for heterosexuals, designed to simulate what THEY think it's like to be gay and also to get Oscar nominations for everyone involved. Yes, the performances are quite good, but quite frankly, I enjoyed "Aeon Flux" a dozen times more because it didn't pander to the deep-seated, simple-minded, liberal-hipster idea of "tolerance."

This film is an unwelcome throwback to movies like "The Children's Hour", where even the suggestion of homosexuality was in itself a condemnation to misery and unhappiness not just for the gay (or allegedly gay) individual, but everyone surrounding them. As Nathan Lane said in an interview (and I summarize), you're in the middle of Wyoming (aka Nowehere). Get divorces, get a ranch, and be done with it.

The final scene in the movie was not only cliched and emotionally manipulative, it infuriated me. A film should lead you along gently, not slam in you in the face with a Message Hammer. There are countless gay films that provide a much more realistic, less melodramatic look at what it TRULY means to be gay (and by better directors to boot). The best I can hope for is that the apparent success of this film inspires Hollywood to take some truly bold steps away from the stereotype of the tortured faggot.

--Johnny in Minneapolis
posted by Anonymous, at 12/20/2005 9:06 AM

As an addendum to Johnny's note. Many (certainly not ALL) gay men have difficult relationships with their fathers BECAUSE they're gay, even if this isnt verbally acknowledged; parents know! The 'ex-gay' bullshit puts the cart before the horse and thinks that a bad father CAUSES the homosexuality. Any fool could see that if that were so, well over half of the guys in the world would be homos!
posted by Anonymous, at 12/20/2005 10:09 AM

I find the supposed connection between being gay and one's relationship with his father to be specious. My father died when I was too young to remember a relationship with him. My adolescent desire for a 'father' put me at risk from abuse by a pedophile, but neither the loss of my father nor the abuse by a pedophile accounts for my being gay. Why I am gay, no one--certainly not me--knows. I do know that I had to end a mutually destructive straight marriage before I could deal with my sexuality, humanity, or my search for relationship. I never quite accomplished a lasting relationship, but at least my search was based on honesty and personal integrity. There are many gay stories--as many as their are gay people--and it would be a mistake to think that Brokeback relates to very many of them. I hope that Brokeback will, if anything 'break the back' of resistance to movies with gay themes; hopefully we can look forward to more varied examples of the gay experience.
posted by Glynn Harper, at 12/20/2005 11:51 AM

I cannot believe someone would suggest a woman marry me. What kind of woman would want a gay as a husband? That’s not a sacrifice. It’s stupid to even entertain that notion.

To those gay fathers who suddenly realize they are in a sexless, loveless marriage: What kind of sacrifice are you willing to make? Would not your wife be happier with the prospect of finding another man? What amount of a daily, private hell you must live to try to save a “marriage”.

My good buddy since high school is in such a relationship. His marriage is a product of peer-pressure and a mix of ostracism and even excommunication from his Church if he did not marry. In spite of having one daughter, he and his wife do not have sex anymore. I’m not certain but I think he spends most of his nights sleeping on the sofa. Yet, he plans to stay married until the kid is old enough and off on her own. To me, that is a sacrifice too high to pay.

(**oh…I might add: Our relationship is strictly platonic and even our friendship waned when I mentioned I think his wife knows he is gay.)

Ennis most closely relates to my buddy.
posted by Anonymous, at 12/20/2005 1:03 PM

Cowboy, understood...if a person is forced to make a sacrifice, it isn't a sacrifice (but a deprivation).

A question...how many str8t couples are out there who can't or don't do it any more? (I've heard studies say there many now, perhaps more than there used to be...their numbers may be in the hundreds of thousands or more).

If a person in a marriage can't sexually perform any more, does that have to be automatic grounds for divorce?

In addition, I think a cautionary message from "Brokeback Mountain" is: Marriage is not a thing one should enter into lightly, for all the wrong reasons (no matter what the culture around you says).
posted by Anonymous, at 12/20/2005 2:34 PM

Cowboy, one thing...marriage should never be forced on anyone...EVER.

However, "Google" up, if you get a moment, "Bob and Rose" BBC.

In fact, I'm amazed that this article I'm entering is still up, but here's a direct link about the show:

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/review/story/0,6903,545444,00.html

This show was written by Russell T. Davies, creator of the original (British) "Queer as folk" TV show. If nothing else, I'm guessing that Mr. Davies should know a gay man when he sees one.

That's why it was astounding to see that he was basing the idea for his "Bob and Rose" show on a man who Davies said was "the happiest out, loud and proud gay man" one could meet...yet he (at the time) was apparently quite happily married to a woman.

I'm not saying ANY gay man should be forced into marriage. However, Mr. Davies (again, the "Queer as folk" creator) who knew this man well, did not seem really inclined to think of him as bisexual but gay as a tree-full of parrots. And again, quite happily married. In fact, he seemed a bit pleased that his friend was breaking stereotypes within the GLBT community.

Not saying the phenomenon of gay men happily married to women (with whom they apparently enjoy sexual relations) is common, but it apparently happens...
posted by Anonymous, at 12/20/2005 2:45 PM

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/review/story/0,6903,545444,00.html
posted by Anonymous, at 12/20/2005 2:45 PM

In the Davies article he says:
"...stupid people will assume that the series is saying all a gay man needs is the right woman. But the key word there is 'stupid'"

If we can remember in our schooling we were introduced to something called matrix mathematics. It is the more complex way to add, multiply and divide. I think the human mind and its condition is so complex it is like 3D matrix mathematics. There are too many variables to pigeon-hole the variations we humans are. A TV situation comedy is not going to suffice as a scientific study on human sexuality.
posted by Anonymous, at 12/20/2005 5:04 PM

Cowboy, that's why I think it noteworthy that this was a situation comedy based on real life.

Here's more interesting facts about what QAF creator Davies faced with that show, again, based upon his real life friend:

A gay man and a straight woman, that is -- and that's a love that tends to make people nervous.

"I got more hate mail over that than I ever did over Queer as Folk," he told a Canadian newspaper following B&R's award-winning six-episode run last fall in the U.K. (The series has not yet been picked up in the States, but it has been featured in several gay film festivals; showings in Philly's fest begin Wednesday.) "I've seen the greatest violence toward women I've ever seen expressed in print in these letters from gay men."

Hey, guys, wasn't the freedom to love whomever you want the whole point of gay liberation? But Davies isn't surprised. "Not remotely," he says, speaking one evening from the Manchester gayborhood he made infamous. He was already aware that such a love affair could stir suspicions -- because he'd reacted that way himself.

http://citypaper.net/articles/2002-07-12/cover2.shtml

Why indeed would there be such anger over a show like this? Isn't it much the same point as "Brokeback Mountain"...that we should be able to love whomever we want?
posted by Anonymous, at 12/20/2005 5:30 PM

Why would anyone pay to see a queers ride horses and fondle each other?

This world is going to pot.

Mildred (Okla.)
posted by Anonymous, at 12/20/2005 10:26 PM

Millie, I have no desire to pay to see straights ride horses and fondle each other!
posted by Anonymous, at 12/21/2005 9:20 AM

My partner and I will be driving three hours from Indianapolis to Chicago to see this movie next week. We've never done that before. The good news is that my partner's best friend, who is straight, and his wife live there and want to go see it with us. The movie opens here in mid-January, when we likely will see it again.
posted by Anonymous, at 12/21/2005 10:14 AM

I live in Wyoming with my precious partner. She mines coal; I work at recycling. We are Massgoing Catholics and are also well versed in Annie Proulx's writing. My heart goes out to all the men who relate to Ennis and Jack. My sham marriage broke up when I got together with my love. Dad spent thousands and easily won custody. Ten years later and my four kids are WAY better off now to have seen our love endure than living in the strained misery of me and their dad just "enduring" each other.
posted by Anonymous, at 12/21/2005 3:43 PM

Leah Vader, thank you for saying what I was going to say while reading some of the replies to people trapped in lifeless, loveless marriages for the sake of the children and appearences. The sake of the children is dependent on the parents knowing what the right thing to do is.

Dominick
posted by Anonymous, at 12/24/2005 12:43 AM

I'm part of a rapidly growing group of men who are into guys and adhere to the absolute-literal reading of Leviticus 20:13 - which actually only prohibits a man from playing the female role.

This is our take on BrokeBack.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/0verBBM/

(If the link breaks, cut & paste).
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