Wayne Besen - Author, Activist, Columnist, Public Speaker

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

(Weekly Column)

In the pastoral foothills of North Carolina, nearly 2000 conservative Christians anxiously gathered this past Sunday in a school auditorium converted into a makeshift revival meeting. The make-up was as thick as the anticipation and the hairdos higher than the choir's soaring notes. The standing room only crowd was whiter than a convention of ghosts and overflowed into an adjacent room with a big screen television. As the music played people held up massive Bibles and hollered and hooted as if they were in a heated competition for the Lord's ear.

The clean cut and wholesome-looking families were not waiting on evangelical titans such as Billy Graham or Rev. Jerry Falwell, but on the somewhat obscure ex-gay leader Tim Wilkins, who directs Wake Forest-based Cross Ministries.

The revival was a deliberate response to a provocative new ad campaign by the organization Faith In America, which challenges what it refers to as "Religion-based bigotry." Faith in America is directed by Rev. Jimmy Creech, who was dismissed by the United Methodist Church for performing a commitment ceremony for a same-sex couple, and was founded by North Carolina furniture mogul Mitchell Gold, who had invited me to attend this event.

Rev. Wilkins confidently strode to the pulpit like an old pro, as a palpably nervous buzz ricocheted through the pews. The consummate salesman, he peddled more goods than a Wal Mart Christmas sale. While the ex-gays say they are too busy to keep reliable statistics or publish peer-reviewed studies, no one has ever accused them of sloth when it comes to penning books or recording DVDs.

In his sermon, Wilkins repeatedly made the stunning acknowledgement that people do not choose to be gay. Instead, he erroneously blamed homosexuality on a wide array of possibilities including the standard pseudo-scientific canards of parental abuse and dysfunction. To his credit, Rev. Wilkins confessed that his "theories" could not be applied to all gay people.

Equally surprising was that Wilkins unwittingly admitted that he was not cured, but merely suppressing his sexuality. He tried to spin this message by reducing the deep, intrinsic identity of "sexual orientation" to a nagging "temptation." However, it was striking how after 30 years of ex-gay ministry and marriage, Wilkins was no more than a wink from a twink away from falling off the hetero wagon.

To drive home this point, he reiterated that he would not watch Brokeback Mountain because he feared that his resistance might melt like butter near a fire. I pointed out that as a gay man I have watched hundreds of heterosexual dramas and not once was enticed to become straight. Watching Pretty Woman, for instance, did not make me want to sleep with Julia Roberts. He had no answer for this.

Wilkins stressed that those who don't become straight or successfully celibate fail because they are not sufficiently obedient to God. From my experience this message is particularly dangerous. People who don't "change" after long and emotionally draining efforts often think they have been rejected by a God who doesn't hear their prayers while He helps others become heterosexual. This can often lead to low self-esteem, severe depression and even suicide.

The most constructive part of Wilkens' message was that he frequently urged the crowd to love gay people and not harshly condemn them. Of course, his cynical reason was that this would only retard their progress on the path to salvation. Looking around, I could see that this notion of basic tolerance was a significant challenge to many in the audience who were brought up in churches where virulent homophobia was the norm.

This message was an improvement only in that audience members were now more inclined to biblically browbeat than actually beat homosexuals. The question is will this newfound "tolerance" wear thin when it becomes clear that the gays targeted for conversion can't change?

Most significant, however, was when Wilkens asked the crowd if they knew someone who was gay. A sea of hands rose and the preacher remarked that when he asked this question ten years ago, less than 10 percent of audiences raised their hands. Today, he said, the number can exceed eighty percent of a congregation.

Here, in the foothills, it was becoming clear that the gay community had gained a foothold. The crowd was not there to gripe about homosexuals, but searching for ways to grapple with a loved one who had come out.

Following the service, Rev. Creech, Gold and I met Wilkens and his small entourage at the Red Lobster for a late night dinner. Although we agreed on little, at least we were amicably talking. It seems that the love that dare not speak its name is babbling with a deep southern accent in the most unlikely of places.

51 Comments:

The preachings are as outdated as their reference material. Religion is supposed to offer direction for confused flock during emotional times, instead these preachers are creating more confusion by offering personal judgement on every human aspect. Certianly this is not the way to educate people. The problem is more with the institutions which try to opine on everyday aspect of human life. This is common problem with all religions. Instead they should focus on issues such as poverity family values. Should not try to define what is family.
posted by Anonymous, at 9/19/2006 10:47 PM

Did anyone see the ex-Gov. of NJ Jim McGreevey on Oprah yesterday? He was a perfect example of how destructive it is for entire families when gay people try to play heterosexual. He even admitted that he came out against gay marriage to protect his identity. He, of course, really was and still is in favor of it.
Although he stressed the fact that gay people, including teens and children, needed to be allowed to be "who God made them", I wished he had stressed more the destructiveness and futility of "ex-gay ministries".
Gay New Jerseyans knew through the grapevine that he was gay, years before he finally came out. And he did fib to Oprah about one thing that I know of. He told her that he only did bookstores and truckstops, but not the bars. I have friends who had seen him in the gay bars in Cape May when he was still governor.
Gary (NJ)
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 10:23 AM

As gay people, we know that it is the fundamentalists who need to change when it comes to the subject of gays and lesbians. I think the softening of previously harsh rhetoric is an expected natural evolution that is and will occur in many fundamentalist churches. They will likely never say, "We were wrong on this issue," but they will soften some of the hues, and turn what was once black and white surety into gradient thought.

Jerry Falwell is a prime example. In the 1980's, gays were "perverts". Today, Falwell largely avoids an issue that was once his bread and butter. One of his more recent pronouncements on the issue indicated that he believed that gays should not be subject to employment discrimination. Equal rights for perverts? Obviously, even Falwell's understanding of gays has been altered.

Gov. Jim McGreevy is a prime example of the failure of the fundamentalist message, and heterosexuals have been realizing the truth. When I was a teenager, I heard Jimmy Swaggart on TV say, "All a homosexual needs to do is get himself a wife and he will become normal!" Well, Jim McGreevy did so, and it was an unmitigated disaster. I have to believe that even in the most conservative congregations, many quietly know this truth.
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 10:36 AM

Gary, I too watched Jim McGreevey yesterday on Oprah's show. It must have been really cathartic for him to talk so openly about his sexuality and about the terrible situation that he put himself in. If only all politicians could be so contrite and honest. We can forgive him for not mentioning his foray into gay bars in Cape May. In a way he's become one of my heroes. It took great courage and strength of character to do what he did and I admire him for it. He's definitely become a good role model for those people struggling to come out, married or otherwise. I'm sure a lot of ex-gay felt uncomfortable listening to the truth for once.

Robert, NYC.
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 11:00 AM

I'm very encouraged by all the people in North Carolina who raised their hands indicating they know someone who is gay. When I was growing up in a small town in South Carolina, nobody would have said they knew anybody who was gay because all of us were closeted. Looking back as an adult, there were gay people everywhere in my small town, but most were married.
Now, apparently, even in the rural south, gay folks are coming out in increasing numbers and that's real progress. There's no better way to end discrimination than living your life honestly and openly. It's harder to hate someone you know personally than it is to hate an anonymous group.
posted by Sam, at 9/20/2006 11:57 AM

I suspect (and hope) sometime in the distant future, after we're long gone. Americans will look back at this period in history and shake their heads in wonderment at how horribly sexual minorities were treated, in much the same way we now are astounded at how African Americans and Native Americans were treated with no pangs of conscience.
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 12:33 PM

In a way he's become one of my heroes. It took great courage and strength of character to do what he did and I admire him for it.

Robert, NYC. While I’m sure your feelings are sincere, what McGreevey did was not an act of courage, it was an act of cowardice. He came out because he was being blackmailed and about to be outed. He installed his boyfriend in a state Homeland Security position, a position he was woefully unqualified for and legally could not hold given his status as a foreign national. McGreevey’s administration was plagued by scandals of kickbacks, bribes, influence peddling and office buying. He was under investigation and almost certainly would have been defeated in his re-election bid. In short, the man was a crook and it was finally catching up to him. To many of us in NJ, gay and straight, it looked like McGreevey, seeing the writing on the wall, took the easy way out.
The McGreevey saga is a good example of what can happen when gay men try to pretend they are straight. But, as many gays and lesbians in NJ feel, Jim is no hero, no role model. He is an embarrassment.
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 12:58 PM

"Old Time Religion With a New Twist," is still old time religion. I for one am really uncomfortable with the effort by gay groups like HRC to accommodate to religious folk. While some decry gay alienation from religion, I take this as a good thing.

If "ex-gays" like Jim Wilkins truly love us, they will back our full civil rights. This is all I want from him or any of his ilk.

The growing secularization of much of Western Europe, something condemned by religious leaders like Pope Benedict-Ratzinger, is one reason why same-sex rights are far advanced in those places when compared to the Jesusland of America. Religion is a drag on human progress.

Progressive religious folks I know are more than happy to support gay rights with no expectation that we attend their churches or "dialog" with them on religious matters. Hopefully, Jimmy Creech is among these progressives.

We ought to be promoting separation of church and state and demanding that our civil rights be recognized by our follow citizens, religious and non-religious alike.
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 2:17 PM

"Religion is supposed to offer direction for confused flock during emotional times"

Time and again, the Biblical version of it always does.
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 2:27 PM

I support the separation of church and state. I also support the separation of church and hate.
posted by DC HAMPTON JACOBS, at 9/20/2006 4:44 PM

In my research and my definitive conclusion, homosexuality is a deviate sexual behavior. Regardless of how one person derive at the notion of their orientation, no good thing has come with anyone participating with a sinful and judged lifestyle such as homosexuality.
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 6:14 PM

I have seen that on most of the religious website about change that it says it cannot be prayed away. Also, many of them say that God loves people no matter who they are.
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 7:09 PM

McGreevey will never be one of my heroes. Regardless of his closeted life or victimization - he put his own interest above national security. A person who has that much unsearched life should not be in a position of authority. I don't care if he is a victim or not - he put his self interest above ethics.
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 7:12 PM

"Religion is supposed to offer direction for confused flock during emotional times."

I'm sorry, but the arrogance of this statement is disturbing. This is written as if it is a well know established fact. If that is one person's opinion, fine, but it is stated as fact. Prefacing that statement with "I think" would be appropriate I believe. I, for one, happen to disagree with that.

In my opinion, it is pretty difficult for us humans to tell the Creator how far His moral commands should extend into our personal lives. If there is a Creator, I think we all can agree that as created beings, we certainly do not have that right. Fortunately,(or unfortunately), we have a free will and God does not force us to obey, but we reap the consequence of our choices.

According to God's Word, God's moral commands are good things. They are helpful! If everyone carried them out, this world would be a lot better place to live in. All of God's commands are meant to protect us from harm and/or to provide the benefits of obedience. This holds true whether it has to deal with homosexuality or heterosexuality. We have freedom, but not freedom without accountability.

I understand though that this is very difficult to understand or accept if you find yourself dealing with homosexual tendancies. If I were struggling like that, I would probably not want to accept that, but at least Tim is trying to spread the message with love rather than condemnation. I appreciate his honesty and openness as well.
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 8:13 PM

Why are they focusing on outlawing divorce since it is the biggest sin being committed by members of the church???
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 8:47 PM

I frequent a Gay Christian chat room. More and more, gay men and women from the south and from restrictive church backgrounds are becoming regulars to the room. They are coming out, in droves, and they are forcing the people who love them to accept them for who they are, or leave them alone to pursue their own lives and loves. We're not there yet, obviously. But we're taking baby steps.
posted by jekelhyde, at 9/20/2006 9:30 PM

Oh, and Captain...define homosexual lifestyle. Then we'll talk about sin and judgement.
posted by jekelhyde, at 9/20/2006 9:36 PM

I find it amusing when "anonymi" claim to know the mind of God, beyond the shadow of a doubt. They don't even know enough ancient Greek and ancient Hebrew and contextual literature and history and archaelogy to make even a somewhat educated guess about historically accurate translation and historically plausible interpretations of Biblical writings.

NancyP
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 10:27 PM

I agree heartily with Robert, NYC. I also saw the McGreevey interview with Oprah yesterday, and I was truly moved by his candor, depth, and piercing understanding. He understands both how and why his behavior was reprehensible, while he also understands, profoundly, why it came to be. He's an unlikely hero, perhaps, but he's now a major hero to me as well. He leads the way for honesty, integrity, and proper remorse. I hope he becomes a model for homophobes to realize how much harm they've caused, and then come clean with true contrition, and end the harm -- just as McGreevey has.

Note that Oprah never made it "easy" for him. And yet she, herself, was clearly touched by him. I think their mutual affection at the end was genuine.

And I've rarely heard a more powerful argument for same-sex marriage than the story of Jim McGreevey (while the argument was made explicit, in concise words, just before the very end of the show).

That may have been the most affecting, powerful TV interview I've personally even seen.
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 10:37 PM

typo, sorry: personally eveR seen
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 10:38 PM

We all could use a lesson in Hebrew, Greek, Coptic Greek, and Aramaic. I never trust what someone else tells me about scripture until I read it for myself, investigate it's historical reference as to time place and culture and then pray on it. I see just as many on both sides going along mouthing off without any idea of what they are saying.
posted by Anonymous, at 9/20/2006 10:38 PM

"In my research and my definitive conclusion, homosexuality is a deviate sexual behavior. Regardless of how one person derive at the notion of their orientation, no good thing has come with anyone participating with a sinful and judged lifestyle such as homosexuality."

Lord, deliver me! Another clueless Bible beater who leads with his ego instead of with his intellect. So nothing good has ever come from being homosexual, has it? Tell that to the millions of Lesbians and Gay men all over the world whose lives have been enriched by long-term, same-gender relationships. Tell that to the millions of parents who consider their Gay son or daughter (and the same-gender partner of their son or daughter) an absolute blessing. Tell that to the millions people who love art, entertainment and literature that was produced by Gay people. Tell that to any Gay teacher or counselor who's saved a questioning young person from committing suicide by coming out to them. Tell that to the millions of Lesbian nuns and Gay priests whose sexual orientation has given them special insights to use in their service to God and humanity. Tell that to God, who created Gay people for His own Divine purpose!

If folks like you would ever decide to crawl up out of the Dark Ages, you might learn something useful. For instance, that being Gay is about more than sex, and that there's a difference between worshipping the Bible and worshipping the Lord. I get so damn tired of people trying speak for God! Religious egotism has reached epidemic proportions! We can't narrow God down to fit inside of our petty human prejudices, and He doesn't have to wait until we understand His will before He executes it!
posted by DC HAMPTON JACOBS, at 9/21/2006 2:35 PM

Why are people attacking McGreevey as harming national security because he appointed his boyfriend to the ***phony*** homeland security post? Look at all the ineffective appointments Bush made. Remember in the wake of Katrina, "you're doing a heck of a job, Brownie". Or how about appointing hate monger firebrands as UN ambassador. Another thing, McGreevey's level of corruption pales in comparison to the current administration's and scores of congressmen. At worst, McGreevey was a dud, certainlyy not the boogeyman. If you need to be angry about corruption, then prioritize and be angry at the big fish who really are hurting America (while you are distracted by an outed ex-governor).
posted by Anonymous, at 9/22/2006 12:56 AM

To The Captain:

And would you like to post your research for critical analysis?
posted by Anonymous, at 9/22/2006 6:15 PM

Right on, Dale. All the Captain's research has shown...put up or shut up, Captain.
posted by jekelhyde, at 9/22/2006 9:02 PM

Wayne,

Another typically well researched and presented column. I respect your committment to travel and seek out the propigators of bigotry who misuse God's word to encourage discimination toward and condemnation of the GLBT community. You message gains a lot of credibility from your connection, however unpleasant and frustrating it must be, with people like Tim Wilkins. Keep up the good work. I frequently link to your work on my blog.
posted by EncouragingWord, at 9/22/2006 9:41 PM

I'll never forget the sight of Jim McGreevey's wife standing beside him at the podium while he humiliated her before the world. Jim McGreevey was never "forced" into marrying anyone. It was his choice. As a straight woman there is no way I could ever conceive of marrying/making love to another women regardless of the supposed benefits it would provide. He not only mislead his wife but the people of New Jersey when he attempted to install his lover as head the office of Homeland Security. He proved that his lust knew no bounds and everyone (i.e. his wife, parents, children, and the citizens of his state) were secondary to his needs. Quite simply, Jim McGreevey, is a hedonistic, amoral, self-absorbed coward who ruined the lives of the people who loved him most. Some hero.
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posted by dodo, at 9/23/2011 5:57 AM