Wayne Besen - Author, Activist, Columnist, Public Speaker

Monday, July 14, 2008

Asheville Citizen-Times: The 'Ex-Gays' Are Coming To Town

Even in a city with Asheville's relatively progressive reputation, the Exodus conference poses risks, said Washington-based activist Wayne Besen. "Asheville is more progressive than most of the country, and they won't be as susceptible to the antigay message, but there are still people who are vulnerable and can get stuck in the 'ex-gay trap."

"This is consumer fraud, selling desperate people false hope," said Besen, who will be in Asheville for the duration of the conference. "There are these poor spouses who think they can help their gay spouses (to become straight)."

To Read Full Article CLICK HERE

13 Comments:

Wayne, check this out. Attorney General Troy King of Alabama caught in a gay sex scandal, now removed from McCain's campaign.

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/news/articles/2005-8349.html
posted by Anonymous, at 7/14/2008 11:01 AM

Whenever there is a story about gay people on an online version of a newspaper, there is usually a "comments" section which follows. There is ALWAYS some fundie poster who INSISTS that gays have "chosen" their "lifestyle." Yes, there are still people in this world who believe that gay people "choose" to be gay.

It's important that people like Wayne continue to work to educate the public about our lives so that impressionable gay youth do not fall into the painful "ex-gay" trap. It is pure poison to condemn one's sexual orientation, natural and integral part of oneself, and even worse to be encouraged to do so by the neurotics who run the ex-gay businesses.
posted by Anonymous, at 7/14/2008 1:16 PM

What I don't get Chris, is that although gay people don't choose their homosexuality - why is it so distrubing for gays to let those who have gay feelings choose to live a different way? I really don't understand that. It's like gays mandate how a person should act on their feelings?? Am I wrong or missing something?
posted by Anonymous, at 7/14/2008 1:48 PM

What you are missing is that "living a different way" would be as anguishing and miserable for you as it is for gay people. It would be as if you, a heterosexual guy, were coerced to live in a gay relationship, regularly forcing yourself to have sex with another guy and being denied what your true nature compels you to do, which is to hold a woman in your arms at night and develop a life with her, not another male, all so that you could keep an illusion going merely for the sake of gaining the approval of others.

I am surprised that you are unwilling to grasp this very simple fact. As a heterosexual guy, how would you like to be forced to go to bed with, wake up with, French kiss, and have oral sex and more with another gay guy, on a daily basis, all because a particular culture or a 4,000-year old religious text seemingly demanded that you do so? How do you think you'd feel towards people who knew little about your person, yet boldly demanded that you abandon your hope for romance and marriage, i.e., "finding that special someone", all because of their own bizarre inability to accept a particular facet of the human family?
posted by Anonymous, at 7/14/2008 2:11 PM

But what if I was willing to? What if living either a celibate life or whatever was easier than living gay? What if those really, really were my feelings??? Do you still think this simple idea is any less valuable?
posted by Anonymous, at 7/14/2008 2:38 PM

You ask, "What if those really, really were my feelings???" I therefore ask you the very same question. If being gay "really, really (is) MY feeling..." are you willing to respect me and allow me every right that you, as a heterosexual, take for granted?
posted by Anonymous, at 7/14/2008 2:43 PM

Anon, there is nothing wrong with being celibate if that is what someone *really* wants and it's not born out of guilt and shame. Dont forget that these sham "ex-gay" marriages are not only unfair to the hapless spouse, but the children also suffer (if there are any) when these marriages fail, which most of them do.
posted by Anonymous, at 7/14/2008 3:23 PM

Chris, well said! Indeed, nobody chooses to be gay, do straight people really think we would choose to be gay given all the prejudice, homophobia, stigma, discrimination, denial of basic civil rights? You have to be insane to think that we do.

As I've said on other posts, religion is a choice, a personal choice. Nobody comes into this world religious, it is "learned behavior". As such, religious zealots should confine their beliefs to their homes and not interfere in the political system or in other peoples' lives, nor should they be proselytizing either, contrary to the new testament.

As for the ex-gay nonsense, your analogy of a straight man being coerced in having sexual intimacy with a gay male contrary to his natural orientation is a perfect example in reverse. What I find interesting is that there are no ex-straight ministries. Has anyone ever tried to pray away the straight, used aversion therapy? The day that these cults can prove otherwise, then maybe, just maybe they'll lend some credence to ex-gay conversion. Until then, its a load of hogwash and exploitation of vulnerable people and while they're at it, a scam to make money on the misery of others.
posted by Anonymous, at 7/14/2008 3:47 PM

Anon,

Oh I don't forget the fake marriages made out of guilt and ignorance. Not at all!!

But just as you insist on your rights based on the way that you feel, doesn't it make sense that somepeople feel differently and want to have that feeling validated as well in their own world, church, etc...?
posted by Anonymous, at 7/14/2008 3:54 PM

Thanks Robert! And as much as I disagree with the ex-gay industry, I would never seek to pass a law that said that an "ex-gay" person, like Alan Chambers, the current head of Exodus, for example, shouldn't be able to marry a woman. Nor would I seek to pass a law saying that a celibate person should be denied any right whatsoever. Again, there is something about the anti-gay crowd that is just so bizarre in their unwillingness to accept that a certain part of the human family is gay or lesbian and to just live and let live, as long as no one breaks any laws. Who can't you guys just let it go? Truly strange how they act, and how they trip over themselves to stigmatize people who are not like them. To me, THAT is the Devil's work.
posted by Anonymous, at 7/14/2008 4:09 PM

Chris,

There are many who don't think they way Chambers or other out spoken ex gay feel. Some people are truly real and accept the differences among people.
posted by Anonymous, at 7/14/2008 4:44 PM

"What if living either a celibate life or whatever was easier than living gay?"

You mean being out of the closet, not "living gay." A gay person is "living gay" as long as they're not dead yet.

That isn't the problem.

The only reason their life would be harder if they lived openly is because of the bigotry of others. You don't try to change or "fix" something just because society has a prejudice against it. You might as well say black people should bleach their skin and straighten their hair just because their lives would be easier if other people thought they were white.

Do whatever you want, be celibate if you wish, but live your own damn life and don't meddle with the rights and well-being of others.

Don't go lying and misrepresenting scientific research,

claiming you can change gay people to straight when you can't,

don't go around telling everyone being gay is inherently sick and wrong and unhealthy and a sin,

claiming that gay people only become gay because they're molested or have bad family relationships,

don't go spreading the message that gay people can never be happy,

don't go scaring the crap out of religious people by telling them their mythical god or devil will punish them for all eternity for being gay,

don't go taking advantage of those people who have self-hatred because of their religious upbringing,

don't go making false promises to people who hate themselves because of the lies they learned about homosexuality and gay people,

and don't allow yourself to be used by the James Dobson and the rest of the Christian Right in their multimillion dollar crusade against equality for ALL gay people.

The entire ex-gay movement is built on the lie that there is something inherently wrong with gay people.

THAT'S the problem.
posted by Anonymous, at 7/14/2008 7:02 PM

Eshto, exactly. It isn't difficult to understand. I'm not sure why these folks believe like they do. I can only guess that it's religious indoctrination coupled with a lack of logic in one's thinking.
posted by Anonymous, at 7/15/2008 1:30 PM