Tuesday, July 15, 2008
(Weekly Column)In 2001, David Bianco was at the pinnacle of his career in GLBT journalism. He was the founder of Q Syndicate, a content provider for gay media, and wrote, "Past Out," a widely distributed GLBT history column. He was also the author of, "Gay Essentials: Facts for Your Queer Brain."
With great irony, the man who made his living by revealing the glorious gay past was quietly reinventing his own personal history. He had allegedly given up sex with men and was rapidly moving towards Orthodox Judaism.
In September 2003, Bianco went public with his conversion in an interview with
The Washington Blade. He denounced, "having all kinds of Internet hook-ups and doing the urban gay male lifestyle thing," and said he could no longer remain closeted about his metamorphose.
"It was increasingly odd to be supervising content for the gay media on a day-to-day basis when in my own life I was moving away from gay identity," Bianco said. Then he complained about the reaction he received from colleagues saying, "Nobody gets a parade for leaving the gay community..."
While his exit elicited no parade, Bianco did create a media circus - changing his name to Benkof and appearing on the "Ricki Lake" show to oppose same-sex marriage. Basking in his beloved spotlight -- it seemed that Benkof was poised to become the right wing's latest star.
Then, he just fell off the radar for nearly five years.
Unfortunately, he could not bear anonymity in our celebrity culture and burst back on the scene this year -- using the California marriage decision to catapult him to newfound notoriety.
Benkof opened shop with a deceptively titled blog, "Gays Defend Marriage," and started a new column, "Fabulously Observant," in which he posed as a pro-gay activist who just happened to give up sex for religious reasons.
What the editors of GLBT publications who decided to run his column did not know was that Benkof had extreme beliefs. He says that his religion teaches him that, "when you engage in mishkav zachar (gay sex), you are inflicting
harsh damage on your precious Jewish spirit. Mishkav zachar is such a horrible sin that you are commanded to submit to being killed (yehareg v'al yaavor) rather than committing it."
When his editors found out his nutty views and that he was moonlighting as a zealous opponent of GLBT rights, he was dropped like a BLT at a Seder.
Benkof came to the attention of GLBT rights organizations last month after he began placing defamatory op-eds in
mainstream news publications. His columns were notable because they would ostensibly be about a topic, such as President
Bush's record on AIDS, but the real intention was to
smear gay people and make the GLBT community look perverse, untrustworthy, selfish and unworthy of basic human rights.
It was really a disgusting display of bigotry and self-loathing on the part of Benkof. He seemed bitter that he gave up sex and appeared to take his frustrations out on all gay people. His tirades were punctuated with hateful and unfounded statements like, "I have tons of data that shows how a significant subset of the gay community in America has always supported adult-child sex."
The truth is, not a single mainstream GLBT rights organization supports adult-child sex, or even mentions the topic, for that matter. Benkof flat our lied to slime the GLBT community. He seems to have an ax to grind and seethes with resentment that so many GLBT people have rich and satisfying lives.
When defending his views, Benkof would often throw irrational tantrums in online forums. He called me a "self-hating Jew" who was "spitting in the eye of G-d," and blasted blogger Pam Spaulding as a,
"nasty bitch."Still, Benkof was a difficult opponent because he's smart, has a knack for getting published and knew enough about gay history to hijack it. His brain was like a large computer hard drive stuffed with faulty software that contained quirks and bugs. With his prodigious output of anti-gay propaganda, he promised to be a problem for years to come.
But, again, in a blink, he was gone.
Out of nowhere, he
announced this week that he was closing down his blog and getting out of the anti-gay marriage business, saying, "I no longer feel comfortable being allied with the people running the Prop. 8 campaign (the group trying to ban same-sex marriage in California), and the same-sex marriage movement in America in general."
The capricious Benkof is like a supernova of nonsense, he flares up and then he flames out. We can only imagine where the spotlight will lead this walking human tragedy next. Perhaps, the enterprising chameleon will start a reality show called "Extremist Makeover," where contestants with mutating morals change their names and search for new issues and identities to embrace.
I can't think of anyone more qualified for the job than Bianco/Benkof, or whomever he fancies himself today.
22 Comments:
I have come to realize that freedom is too much for some people to handle. This man is one of those people. If he thought that engaging in "constant hook-ups" was a bad idea, why did he constantly "hook-up"?? I happen to agree that having a revolving door for a bedroom door is a very bad idea, which is why I think being a one-man guy is ideal. This man, however, who most tellingly descended into a very structured religion, chooses to blame his perceived environment more than he blames himself. If he cannot control himself, that's one thing, but he should blame himself for his failings, not the entire gay community.
posted by , at
7/15/2008 4:45 PM
Benkof seems to be a very skilled opportunist. Perhaps the Prop 8 Folks weren't comfortable with a Orthodox Jew, wouldn't meet his demands, or simply realized what an opportunist he was. Makes you wonder...
posted by , at
7/15/2008 5:59 PM
Wayne, I highly suspect that he will launch anti-equality efforts with the far Right Orthodox in Israel. There he won't have to deal with so many fundie christians.
posted by Emily K, at
7/15/2008 6:15 PM
Weirdness. Just like depression and grandiosity are two sides of the same coin, out of control sex and ultraprudishness are two sides of the same coin. I hope he can find some way to feel his own pain. I am quite honestly wary of any religious converts, and especially wary of people who convert to extremist or fundamentalist religions. Like Dr. Laura before him.
posted by , at
7/15/2008 6:55 PM
Well said, Wayne.
I'm waiting for Dave to have his John Paulk moment. Do the words "crash and burn" come to mind?
In many ways, he reminds me of Peter LaBarbera. For someone who has such strong views of homosexuality, he sure likes to hang around with us.
Has he ever mentioned if he's in therapy? He needs to sort out his inner conflicts. (And if you're reading this Dave, no, it's not an attack to suggest therapy.)
While very articulate, I see someone who is in pain, or at the very least, quite conflicted. Almost a person without a community.
From saying he's surrendered and not to gloat... and asking "what more do you want?" ... to calling Pam Spaulding a nasty b*tch, I see some real mood swings.
Whether it's genuine or just online ranting for the fun of it, I don't know.
The timestamps on his post over at Pam's Blend show he posted early morning to afternoon through the wee hours of the next morning. So he's obviously returning to see what people say-- and then responding himself, sometimes with a lengthy response.
But why? What they say about him seems to matter. If it didn't matter he'd just hang it up and not follow the blogs.
He wants to maintain that connection to the gay community.
Something doesn't add up here.
posted by , at
7/15/2008 10:12 PM
JJ, I noticed that too. I was hit by insomnia last night, so I myself was blogging in the wee hours. Benkof responded to a comment I made I think no later than 3 AM within 15 minutes of the posting. Does this man sleep? I could understand if it's anxiety. Anxiety makes you lose sleep.
posted by Emily K, at
7/15/2008 10:52 PM
Wow and here I thought you were going to let him off the hook.
I'm sick of these self-hating queers who screw up their own lives, then blame everyone else for it.
I've been gay my whole life. I never felt the need to "constantly hook up". I've only dated like four people in my life before I met my partner, whom I've been with for the last five years.
I'm sorry if Benkof couldn't figure out how to live a more stable life, but it doesn't sound like he was trying very hard. It sounds more like he's got some problem with sex addiction and isn't taking healthy steps to deal with it.
posted by , at
7/16/2008 12:44 AM
It does beg the question. Why do people like Benkof hang around on gay blog/websites? What is it that drives them to obsess so much about our lives, our politics, our rights? Have you noticed that everyone of his ilk who posts here has one thing in common when things go wrong in their lives.....it is religion! Yet they insist on agitating on gay sites and knowingly face a lot of resistance which leads me to believe that they most definitely are self-loathing gay men and women, but you can draw your own conclusions.
posted by , at
7/16/2008 6:22 AM
I was addicted to arguing. That seems ridiculous, and no I didn't read it somewhere -- it just occurred to me late at night when I'd been arguing in online forums with people I will probably never meet. What's the point?
There is a charge from being righteously indignant, which is why I believe Mr B (I refuse to write his name) keeps going back to Pam's House Blend, Box Turtle Bulletin, etc, etc.
I did the hook up thing, and realized one day "this isn't for me". I didn't attribute the hook up thing to anything other than being a man in his early twenties. And my lack of interest in it was just realizing that I was trying to be someone I'm not.
People with compulsive behaviors, sex addicts, gamblers, alcoholics, drug addicts, turn to extremist religions to try to reign in their extreme life. They're so obviously out of control that they think what they need is absolute and total control. Endlessly defending yourself in random blogs is one way to try to exert control.
But it's all the easy way out. A harder challenge is to control your life. To balance it. To make smart careful choices.
It's about unhealthy obsession, whether you're obsessed with doing something or obsessed with denying yourself something you're making that thing the focus of your life.
I feel sorry for DB.
posted by Unknown, at
7/16/2008 10:13 AM
Wayne, what an interesting column. Bianco/Bentof (what's his real name?) is a type I'm sure we've all seen on blogs that allow comments. For example, he must have been a regular on IGF. That forum has several posters that exhibit this type of behavior.
posted by , at
7/16/2008 10:41 AM
For what it is worth, Mr. Benkof (or, as I like to call him, Davey, because he acts rather childish most times) has now claimed that every insult he receives in a comments section will count towards a Grand Total of 250, at which point he will write another Op-Ed piece. He then arbitrarily assigns extra value to comments and people he particularly doesn't like. Now, not being a licensed psychiatrist, I wouldn't dream of suggesting that Davey needs meds, or therapy, or even a good slap. But as someone who, as part of his daily job requirements, has to make convincing arguments for why or why not to do or believe certain things or do something a certain way, I can say his method of debating leaves everything to be desired. He can't stay on point, he refuses to respond or quits conversations when he can't win, rather than concede the fact that he may be wrong. Over at Fannie’s Room, she responded to one of his recent posts with an extremely well thought out , and written, critique. I commented on that post, calling him ‘Davey’, a term he seems to absolutely detest. He called upon Fannie to ask that I stop, which she did, and I agreed. After all, her blog, her rules. As you can see from the following posts, I either called him David, or Mr. Benkof, when I used his name at all. No insults, no diminutives. Davey, however, then proceeded to claim that I had again called him such things. Again, check it out and you will see that his claim was false, a huge shock coming from him. In a later post by Fannie, he again claims the same thing, even though it never happened. I guess he feels ‘unsafe’, even though I have never threatened him. My guess is that since he could not refute the arguments, he would run away from them. Classy guy that Dave, but then again, he turned around and called Pam Spaulding a ‘nasty bitch’ on her bog, which is a new low, I think, even for him. But then again, remember who we are dealing with. As in all things, we will learn the outcome eventually, but as for now, I am waiting for the next great mess of his to appear in whatever paper decides to make the mistake of publishing him. This will be entertaining, in a train wreck kind of way.
posted by MirrorMan, at
7/16/2008 12:43 PM
"He called me a 'self-hating Jew'"
You're Jewish? Hm. Learn something new every day.
"Now, not being a licensed psychiatrist, I wouldn't dream of suggesting that Davey needs meds, or therapy, or even a good slap."
Why not? You need a license to do the therapy, diagnose a disorder and prescribe the medication, not to merely suggest that an obviously troubled person would likely benefit from some professional help. That's just common sense.
posted by , at
7/16/2008 3:12 PM
How timely -- I was wondering what happened to my old boss David Bianco. (Years ago, I wrote for Q Syndicate.) Given the silence, I figured he had either quietly regained his senses or was biding to become the next antigay publisher. I feel so sorry for him...
You're right, Wayne, he knows enough about gay history to make a decent hijacking attempt, but he apparently knows nothing about being human or humane. If he doesn't come to grips with who and what he truly is,he is in danger of really destroying himself.
posted by nr davis, at
7/16/2008 3:54 PM
Crap. He was biding *his time*...
posted by nr davis, at
7/16/2008 3:55 PM
Hmmm...strange man. Rather attractive though. He was wrong to call Pam spaulding a nasty bitch. There have been some truly admirable bitches throughout history. Pam is just a bitter dishonest fatso.
posted by Joey, at
7/16/2008 5:18 PM
Joey7777, I think that particular picture of him makes him look like the son of Warren Throckmorton.
posted by Emily K, at
7/16/2008 11:36 PM
nr davis, what was he like as a boss?
posted by Emily K, at
7/16/2008 11:37 PM
Tough taskmaster. Ok guy. The whole "change" thing threw us all for a loop; no one saw it coming. It still all seems so weird to me...
posted by nr davis, at
7/17/2008 4:19 AM
David has a personality disorder. He should perhaps go on Geodon or Risperdal for treatment. I say "perhaps" because he must be evaluated in person by a psychiatrist before a specific medicine is given. I do not say any of this as an insult; people have these challenges and they can be taken care of to a significant degree. If David is reading this, he may wish to consider going to a professional, as regulating his chemistry may release him from the hell which might be his daily life. I bet that would be quite a relief for him.
posted by , at
7/17/2008 1:40 PM
I only came familiar with David B through his editorial in the Seattle PI (5.20.08) and through folk accusing of him of 'mixing words'. I have noticed (emily also noted) that he does alot of late-night/early morning writing, and he is even attentive to his internet alerts during the daylight hours. . .so is he sleeping. Also, after reading his responses, I also sense a state of mania/overzealous reactions. I am not a professional in the med/psych world but I am sensing a little 'bi-polar' behavior. Seems also to fit in with his reclusive behavior, his ranting, and his 'nasty' comments in his reactive comments. David seems very conflicted in his personal 'duality'. I am also wondering about his proclaimed celibacy following his 'promiscuous' life. Have had folk in my life who retreat into self-hatred, finger-pointing following ill-fated/disappointing sexual activities. Again, Benkof has produced some thoughts that cause one to think, but his mean-spiritedness, caustic approach continues to erode his credibility and his soul. Last Friday, before his great announcement of closing down GaysDefendMarriage, I challenged him in an email with the notion that not even the Log Cabin folk aren't even giving him any acknowledgement.
posted by , at
7/17/2008 1:56 PM
As a diagnosed and medicated bi-polar person, I can see where his behavior would match such a diagnosis. IF he is undergoing such a condition, his symptoms are showing through even the internet. Sleeplessness, anxiety, irrational reactions, impulsive decisions (like "hooking up" constantly), and quick angry responses are all POSSIBLE symptoms.
He has swung from openly gay promiscuous queer publisher to celibate anti-gay stiffly religious self-hating activist. Then, within 2 months, swung to an openly angry, disillusioned and indignant jilted loner. These are extremes I'm seeing but they are not anything to laugh at or treat condescendingly. These are just observations.
And anybody who has a mental disorder that needs medical treatment will end up going through years of therapy, hopefully with a psychiatrist that prescribes medicine very conservatively, so the right drug cocktail could be found.
I know that I wouldn't be here today without proper medical intervention. My life, to say the least, would be a living hell.
I know that Mr. B gives his religious conversion sole credit for getting him to stop being promiscuous. In one interview, he said that since he doesn't have to worry about finding a man on friday night or saturday (because it's the sabbath), he doesn't have to worry about finding one other nights, too . As opposed to, say, just putting the brakes on your promiscuity yourself. The "all" or "nothing" ("promiscuous" vs. "celibate") mindset might work for him, but I'm sure most gay people - most HUMANS - don't operate that way.
posted by Emily K, at
7/17/2008 8:12 PM
Mr Benkopf may have a personality disorder. He might be bipolar. He might have some other psychiatric or medical disorder. Or he might just be an insufferable jerk.
In any case, it is probably best not to try and diagnose him via the internet. Although it might make us feel better if we could assign some sort of explanation for his behavior, there isn't any way that we can know one way or the other whether we are correct.
I think it is best to just deal with his internet behavior on it's own merits. If he does have anybody close to him (like his rabbi or a doctor), they would be the more appropriate people to suggest that he seek assistance. Besides, he is very unlikely to listen to folks that he sees himself at war with.
John
posted by , at
7/18/2008 12:22 AM
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